The Lord is my sheperd, I shall not want...

Lord, You are a beast. You always come in and save the day! I know you will save the day for me at the appointed time, so I will hide myself in you, and wait for you to act. I will do what I know to do, I will pray, I will seek you face, I will fight the good fight, and I will watch you come in and rescue me. May I be found so lost in you, may I be so consumed by you that there's nothing that could take your place. Keep me focused. I am moving forward, not backwards, going over, not under!

Today some things really came to light for me. We had a guest speaker and he was ON FIRE. Hallelujah! He spoke so much truth that related to me. He as talking about trials, go figure.

A few things he said that hit me 1.) The devil will try to come in and attack what you have already learned. This is so true for me. In previous posts I was saying how I must need to receive God's love and forgiveness more, and how I need more of a reality of the cross. I SHOULD and WANT to always grow in these areas (always needing to grow), BUT now I realize that these very areas were where the Lord has taught me a lot in this past year, and these were the very areas the devil was attacking. Now I see that the devil was trying to attack what I have learned. So I will become stronger in these areas, because the devil looses in his attacks, he is defeated. 2.) Those whose roots are planted may bend when a trial comes, but they always bounce back. I have been a bit shaken up,crying out to God, worrying too much, BUT I'm always bouncing back, because I won't give up and I will depend on Him forever. 3.) He said your best days are just ahead of you, so when the trials come, God wants to prepare you for increase in Him, so keep chugging along -Jer 29:11,-Jer 31:17, -Ez 36:11. He wants to make you stronger than before.

I trust my Lord, you are my sheperd, help me to not want anything but all of you and to be found completely at rest, peace, and contentment in you. Again and Again, you are a GOOD GOOD God!! You always save the day! I trust you are always saving mine, even when I don't see it now, I see it with my eyes of faith! May the words of my heart and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer!

Close your eyes...what do you see?! HAHA

OKay so one of my besties, rachel, and I made up this game over christmas break. It can be summed up in one word...HILARIOUS! haha. So the object of the game is to close your eyes and then to say what the first thing you see is....so far we have gotten:

a block of triangle cheese
a red wagon
the girl from the movie lovely bones
tree bark (lol whaaat in the world?!)
big guns
a razor scooter
toothbrush
a sweater
abraham/george lincoln (bahaha)


Anyways so I love my friend rachel because she makes crack up. She says the most funny things...like today she was talking about God giving her a sweet vision and she was like "This was not even my idea, but i mean I'm down with it" HAHA it's one of those you had to be there moments/need to know her personality. But basically, she is hilarious.

God, thanks for laughter! I love laughing :)

Oh and today got like huge revelation from God about everything going on in my life..will write about that tomorrow!! ;)

Thank you God, friends, and family!

So oh buddy didn't expect the last 3 weeks or so to be like this. I had such a crazy cloud 9 type spring semester and I thought that would carry into the summer, but so far it's been way different. Although I have really found the joy of the Lord to be my strength, at the same time I am facing many trials. BUT I know I am moving in the right direction and that the Lord is pruning me and working in and thru me to accomplish HIs purposes. It has been amazing the past few days...the love and support I have had from friends and family. The connection of the holy spirit between us all has been great. During a time of spiritual warfare recently, I had a friend text me the most distinct text ever, so nice, and I really needed it. Later I find out that when she had texted me it was like God was down pouring all His emotions about me onto her about how much He loves me. That is just sweeeet I tell ya! God is sweet! Then another friend has really been encouraging me and has come along side of me to do a facebook fast. Then I got to spend some great quality time with my sister and that was just such a blessings to me...and plus getting to spend so much time with my nephew, bonus! Then I have an amazing best friend, sister in christ, that I have been able to talk with all time, even though we live 3 hours apart. Me and her made such specific decisions regarding our lives and relationships, surrendering control fully over to God, and we have been doing this whole process together. Then I have another friend who is just being awesome and really just being a joy for me to be around, she's such a breath of fresh air. I am so thankful, God, that you have provided such loving support and encouragement in my path. THANK YOU! And thank you all you wonderful people, I appreciate everything so much! Praise God for taking care of us in times of need. Ps 46:1 "God is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in times of need"

JESUS CRISTO!

the creeper

So the creeper, devil that is, can try to come in and try to attack your thoughts and freedom....I have experienced this hardcore the last week or so. I was confusing conviction and condemnation. Being tormented/taunted by guilt-related thoughts, which would make me not want to read my bible out of fear and keep my head low. BUT I have not given up, I have not backed down, I have kept the faith and continued to pursue God in the WORD, prayer, and devotion, as well as responding to the Lord's pursuit. Victory is arising, bit by bit, the devil is being defeated in my thought life...victory has already been won for me at calvary. It's a continued process of taking every thought captive to the word of God, every day we must think on things that are pure, lovely, just, and right. During this time I was so fearful to go to the bible because it was at these moments the thoughts were the worst, but I would do it anyways because I knew I had to. What I didn't realize is that this was the devils strategy, bringing thoughts full force the moment I was about to read truth...he wanted to keep me stuck in lies and he knows the truth is in the word. If he can get us away from the word, then he can surely get us out of the church, and eventually out of the christian faith...ughh he is nasty. I thought that God was unleashing something crazy on me every time I went to the word, that it was Him speaking, but it felt so horrible that I didn't understand how it could be my Father God..until DUH it was the devil trying to disrupt me, get me off track bc he knows I'm on the brink of something new and he doesnt want that power unleashed through me. So I talked to a friend today and just so happen to share the struggle going on and he was stunned because the exact SAME thing has been happening to him the last 5 days or so....so we felt encouraged and relieved to have another who was/is dealing with the same stuff. The devil tried to get us so caught up in shame and such that we couldn't keep our heads up...what a way to get us ineffective for the Kingdom. Well anyways, after much prayer, crying out to God, and asking others to pray, the Lord has brought more peace and thoughts are being blocked out Hallelujah! The main point here is that I didn't realize that the devil really can try to come in and attack strongly on me...so I thought maybe it was God, but that doesn't make sense at ALL! But the truth is the devil and his schemes cannot stay, he is a defeated foe, under my feet! I am loved by the King, and right now I can see this mental picture of God just whipping down the devil for my sake, saying.."NO no that's MY DAUGHTER!"
Well thankfully, as I have praye

Cross me!!

"I will be true, I will obey, I will be poured out just for you.."

"Search me, know me, try me and see, every worthless affection hidden in me. All I'm asking for, is that you'd cleanse me Lord. Create in me a heart that's clean, conquer the power of secret shame. Come wash away the guilty stain of all my sin."

Realized this morning that I do not have enough revelation of the cross in my daily life. For myself, it was like I made this one time decision to follow Jesus, but that His love, mercy, and forgiveness ended there. I have always thought I am a christian..I should have known better every tiem i've sinned...beating myself up, wallowing in my sin...when salvation is every day...salvation is always with you. I am asking the Lord to help make the cross a reality to me everyday...His mercies and grace are new every morning...I can say this, but is it downloaded in my heart? Not entirely...

Lord, help me receive your love, forgiveness, and mercy so that I may walk in more freedom and confidence in who you are, who I am in you. Thank you for sending your son, make the cross central to my heart, that I may breathe you in and breathe you out. THank you for your loving kindness that leads me to repetance. You are a good God, this is true. I love you God..but more importantly you love me! Come in and keep cleaning me out, and may I respond with complete gratitude! In Jesus name, amen.

Endurance! Determination!

Alright so every person is usually going through some kind of trial. The point is to endure the trial, to not run away from it, but to face it and to ask God to take control and be your master in it! AH, and we freak out during the trials, wondering "what if" "what if" "what if" type junk....God wants to turn that "what if" jargin into trust and security in Him...that He is faithful,that He is good, and that His plans for us are for good and not for evil. He wants us to get to a place where we are confident He will come through. I know my God is a faithful God, I look back on my life and see all the times He has been so faithful. The trials I'm in are not easy, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that my God will save the day, that my God will grant me with good through it all. What I NEED to work on is finding more PATIENCE and peace throughout the trials. The joy of Lord has been my strength a lot of the time, but I need more patient endurance! I need it so badly...I am too anxious to get outta the trial when I need to let God work in me and through me until what needs to be done is DONE! This is what I so desperately need, patient endurance. I need to stand still and wait patiently for my Lord to act. It's not that I want to get stuck in the trial, but that I wanna be changed through the trial. I want to be transformed internally, gaining more patience, endurance, trust, peace, joy...etc...in the LORD! ah!

Also, been so determined...making new decisions, doing new things. Today hauled shrubs back and forth to a recycling center and mowing and etc. Hot weather, physical work, getting dirty....I like it! I like trying new things and working hard outside. If only I could capture this hard work thing around the house then that would be amazing! So today, instead of just doing whatever this afternoon, I am gonna look for things to accomplish...determination yes! The last few weeks I have gained a lot more drive to get things done, but I want this to be a daily thing for me....so this area I am asking God to help me in. Let's do it yes! Can't wait till it becomes so much more real to me. Making the most of everyday, serving the Lrod and others diligently. It starts at home!

...more!

Alright so 2 other areas I want God to come in clean out and govern! 1.) weird sleeping patterns 2.) Being waaay more helpful and productive withe helping around the house.

I sleep at weird times and have these dumb patterns that are totally ridiculuous. I get too busy to pay attention to things needing to be done to help the madre. Alright let's get on these two things too God, come in and change me!

Father's Love, relentless!

Tonight I went to bible study...OH so GOOD. Robin is teaching us the book of James...been on chapter 1 for like 3 months haha, YES! Anyways, God put me in this bible study for such a time as this...defnitely needed the teaching. So far this year my life has transformed a lot, God has given me a new joy and confidence, a deeper trust and understanding of His love. BUT there is SO much MORE work to be done in me with these areas, so as a result of the teachings at bible study I have applied new things in my relationship with the Father...like admitting that I am helpless and that God is powerful, asking God to govern and take control of specific areas of my life, and coming to terms with past-present-future. Recently, the devil has tried to steal my confidence and joy...trying to get me stuck in thinking low of myself. BUT I won't let him do this, He has no control over me. I will allow the word of God, the truth to be spoke from my lips, to silence the thgouhts the devil brings my way. I will not give in and I will have victory, I already have victory..Jesus has already won it all for me! Anyways so about LOVE...Robin said tonight that if we were to write down the way we truly see ourselves on a piece of paper, what would it say? Prolly a lot of bad things, but this is the problem...we need to see ourselves as the Father does! We need to know how much we are loved and cherished by the King. I feel I got a huge revelation of this during the past 8 months, but God wants to take me even deeper in it now and I see that..the work is not done...its never done! I need to know how much God loves me and so I will park in His Love to get this deep within me. The enemy wants to keep you in the place of thinking down on yourself so you will not receive God's love...bc what stops us from coming boldy to the throne is the way we see ourselves. What will God do first in the area of your life that you ask Him to govern? He will LOVE because the reason there is a problem is because of a lack of love in that particular area. So our thoughts must be changed about ourselves...Phil 4:8, 2 Cor. 10:15. Is what I'm thinking that same as God is thinking, is it edifying myself? If not, refuse it, take it captive to the Word of God, and speak out the truth about what God says you are. WOO hoooo! Hallelujah to that...powerful! Also random to add, this whole bible study is concentrating a lot about the trials in life..SOOOO GOOOD, I have really learned some key things...like that we sit in the trial all annoyed because of the process, the WAIT...we complain about waiting, but do you know how long the Father waits on us? WOW...the Father's patient endurance is beautiful and precious and so loving. WOW...gotta stop focusing on the wait, and giving more of the Praise. This whole purification process, allowing God to step in and take FULL CONTROL in some areas...ooo buddy hard, but again, so good. This is my next step...seeing myself the way God sees me. First is was just talking openly a lot with my mom and working on that relationship in general...lots of work to do there, and to add now is finding my identity..LOVE

battle #1...victory!

Alright so Holy Spirit showed me the first battle to address, being real and honest with the madre about my life and our relationship. The convo lasted 2 1/2 hours..wooo hooo yikes...it took everything in me to do this, but I prayed for that power from within, the strength of my Lord and I took the step, praise God for helping me! Yikes, will def be tired tomorrow considering its not 2:30 and I have to get up at 7:30..but tonight was so worth it! Woot woot, again, this is hard, but oh man OH soo soo good for the heart. Praise God...what's next? ahh nooo, but yes!

YOu know the thing that got to me this point was realizing that life is not about me, it's about God's plan and His Kingdom, and unless I let him work all this junk outta me, then I am deliberately saying...No God I don't want you to use me fully for your plan and glory bc I'm too stuck on myself, too worried about what everyone will think of me, etc. But as soon as I take that focus off of me, and realize that it's all about Him, then I allow Him to work things out in me because I know it pleases Him and it helps me be in a better position to be used for His Kingdom business. If I'm carrying around all this junk all the time then how effective am I for God's plan and purpose? Um well, until you surrender, you are just caught up in self and in bondage...and it's hard to allow God to be effective in you and through you when you're like that, ain't that the truth!

...also

Oh so and after making this decision, I am extremely determined in so many things all the sudden. I mean I am so determined in this whole heart cleansing, clinging to the Father, knowing Him intimately...but in addition I am making all these random changes. Cut my hair all off...kinda like an expression of whats going on inside, ran for 60 minutes today, gonna cut wood tomorrow....just doing some interesting things. I want to be a productive and determined person in all I do, and I have prayed for God to help me to do this...and wow it's coming lil by lil! It's all a process, but whoooaa

Easy?...I think not! :)

Alright, so recently I have made a decision to just do some major heart cleaning, dirt clean up...allowing the Lord to get down in their and cleanse me out! This takes some real intimacy with the Lord and some major cooperation with the Holy Spirit. Wow okay so it begins with relationships....all relationships. Men, Mom, Dad, sister, friends...etc. The Holy Spirit has revealed to me how to break some walls down and I have been praying and seeking for enpowerment to do what He asks of me, no matter how hard it is...I'm doing it. "No turning back, I've made up my mind, I'm giving it all this time." I know I will fail at times during this process, but I know my Lord is there to steady me along. "Thought they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand." psalm 37:24. One thing is for sure, God doesn't promise easy, but He does promise VICTORY...but one cannot get this victory without cooperating with the Holy Spirit. This whole heart cleaning is NOT easy so far, but I know with all I am that it is completely right and the Lord wants me to do it. I am so determined to go all out, to be exposed, to allow the Lord to work in me so that I may be found more confident in Him, decrease in pride, and increase in PRAISE AND ADORATION OF MY FATHER! This blog is now becoming a way to document my process...it's good to write about it...hopefully someone will read this and be encouraged to take on the challenge and let the Lord totally work in your heart. Abandoned, exposed, before the King and before others in your life...coming to terms with your past, present, and future...and giving God control in crucial areas of your life! Girls, as far as boys goes..."On the face of this earth there is one man who will love you. God will present you to him at the right time. ANd until that time arrives, there's plenty of work to do" I have come to see that there is some work to do in my heart before I am released to my future hubby!

Flower lovin'

So I started planting flowers for people the last two weeks...um NEW HOBBY! Alright so I like the hard work...getting dirty, mud under the finger nails...tough stuff lol. It's fun and one day I will plant lots of flowers and other stuff at my own house haha if I can stay put somewhere! :)Lol but today this really crazy dog kept sniffing through all the plants around me. He would suprise me at times and look at me, he had an underbite hahahahaha. Then I heard the ice cream truck, ooo I wanted something so bad...but then got distracted thinking about how awful the person driving it must feel listening to that same song over and over again..ahh tough life. Well, basically just wanted to say that planting flowers is great! a lil tiring tho! :)

woot woot for God's creation! flower lovin'...who knew it could be so fun?!

Holy Cow!

OKay so this book, "Knight in Shining Armor"....BOO YAH! SO GOOD. Women, you must read this book. So I am on like page 40 and I have just been eating it all up. The author talks about how her past affected her marriage and how it took a toll on their marriage for about 10 years. She wishes she would have spent the time asking God to help her work things about before marriage, but thankfully her husbands patient endurance held their marriage together. The author encourages me to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal 3 greatest areas of my life that need healing. There are some things in my life that need attention and I don't want to to drag those into my marriage someday. The book is directing me on how to work through things with the Holy Spirit, so that first, I can be intimate with the Lord, working out the areas in my life, and second, so that I am well prepared for a happy marriage. This is so sweeeet, even though the process will surely be difficult, the result will be glorious....just gotta work on that pride jenna. Ladies, seriously read this book...christian women...you will appreciate it so much, but you have to be willing to surrender to the Holy Spirit. Ah, preparation time is not wasted time! This almost sounds weird that im doing this, but I know it's right...how can it not be...how can taking time to allow the Holy Spirit dig up and heal the dirt be wasting time?! No way! :) here we go!

First Love

Okay so I started reading this book today I found in storage...it's called "Knight in Shining Armor" It's about discovering your lifelong love...GOD. Wow I have only read like 7 pages and I am already stunned! It's all about how women must take the time to make the Lord their true Husband "For your maker is your husband"(Is. 54:5) The author. P.B. Wilson challenges in the book for you to sign a commitment to the Lord, that you would allow God to fashion you for your future husband, to commit the next 6 months to HIS construction, and for you to surrender any part of your life not controlled by Him. I am totally gonna do this, I have to. The area of dating, I have not done the best job of letting the Lord take full control...but this time I'm gonna do it! I've messed too much up trying to do it my way, so this time I'm gonna do it God's way...How exciting! I am just so glad the Lord has brought me to this point. I encourage all you ladies to do this with me. Stop looking, that's the man's job!!Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD" It's pretty clear the Lord has given to each male the challenge of seeking out his wife. Gen. 2:18 "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him"

The song "By your side" by tenth avenue north says:
"Why are you looking for love, why are you still searching, as if I'm not enough?"

This is what the Lord is asking us women, why are we searching everywhere but in tHe Lord, we make it like God is not enough for us. Let's stop and find intimately our first Love, the Lord! He first loved us...

:)

Intimacy

"In the silence, in the secret place, In the depths of my soul,all I desire is to see you face to face,oooo Jesus, I need to know more of you, Reveal yourself to me, Reveal yourself to me, I long to have a deeper level intimacy, Show me more, yes, show me more of your love, The greatest joy that I have ever felt, was the day that I fell in love with you, But I won't be satisfied until the moment that I know I've reached your heart, Reveal yourself to me, I long to have a deeper level of intimacy"

Wow, these words are so pure, so real, so right. I desire so badly to have a more intimate relationship with the Father. Wow, I am overwhelmed, my heart needs it, my heart desires it...Overwhelmed, crying out, here I am, HERE I AM Lord! This time I'm doing it your way, this time I'm giving it all to you...and I won't be satisfied until I know I've reached your heart.

"All to you, I surrender, everything, every part of me, all to you I surrender all of my dreams, all of me. No turning back, I've made up my mind, I'm giving all of my life this time!! Your love makes it worth it, your love makes it worth it all, GOD!"

whispers

Wow, a lady at bible study gave me this the other day...

"God wants you to know that when whispers do not get your attention, bricks will fly your way. Don't speed through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention. Slow down and be present"

Boy, I sure don't want bricks thrown at me.

God help us to respond to your whispers. May we be people who are sensitive to the voice of the Holy Spirit. You have good plans for us, for good and not for evil. Lord you love us. May we obey you in the whispers. We want to do all that you have called us to do for your Kingdom's sake, whatever the cost to ourselves. It's not about us, it's about YOU. You are the famous one, the glorious one....reign down!